Otherwise engaged

There comes a moment in every late twenty-something’s life, when she looks around and realises everyone is getting married.

Last weekend was my moment.

The University besties are happily hitched (you can read all about always being the bridesmaid here) but in my school friends I had hoped that we had a few years yet.

Seems not.

For on a Friday night,  whilst catching up in our favourite curry house in Wolverhampton, drinking beer from a wine glass, one friend casually said: “So, ladies, what’s the etiquette on engagement rings?”

I almost choked on my aloo gobi.

Turns out, said friend and her partner are in discussions about this very matter. And she is non too pleased with his views on the ring. “He said he was going to spend £500. I mean £500?”

Seems he doesn’t know that one to two months' salary is the norm for these matters. Although it might be worth mentioning that this norm seems to stem from De Beers' marketing department, who I’d say have a somewhat vested interest.

“Oh no I quite agree,” added another friend (apparently planning her engagement this summer) “It’s one month’s salary, or £1000: whichever is greater.”

Friend B’s fiancé to be is soon to qualify as a doctor. My advice to him is: BUY THE RING AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE before your salary sees a dramatic spike skywards.

“But how can I tell him that £500 isn’t enough, without sounding, well, like a snob?”

By now ‘soon to be doctor’s wife’ had put away several wine glasses of beer, and had the perfect response.

“Just say, (adopts sinister whisper) £500? F**k you.”

Perhaps this seems a tad on the harsh side in the sober light of day.

But my friends are not alone. Getting married is synonymous with haemorrhaging cash.

The engagement is just the beginning, for thereafter lies the interrogation about the ‘big day.’ “Will you have a big wedding?” they will ask, looking at you as if you have become a giant living cashpoint. What they mean is: will you pay for 300 people to hate your wedding dress and whisper about your back-fat?

No, I wouldn’t either. 

The average cost of a UK wedding is £21,000. £21,000. Why, oh why, would I spend 21k on a wedding, when I’m trying to buy things – like, oh let me think, a house!

Call me selfish, but the idea of eloping for a two person ceremony followed by a fabulous five star holiday sounds like a far better option to me.

Whichever way I look at it, spending 20 grand on a wedding for £2000 of John Lewis goods is bad economics. I’ll buy my own toaster, thanks.

So ladies, I’m afraid I can’t agree with you on the ring. Surely it’s just the love that counts?

Although saying that, if anyone ever buys me one from Elizabeth Duke, I might have to reconsider my position.

----

Finally, I hope you’ll allow me to close with the words of a fellow Wolverhampton-er, Caitlin Moran:

“Perhaps we should just junk the whole idea of getting married in the first place. I’m generally against anything where you’re supposed to change your name. When else do you get named something else? On joining a nunnery, or becoming a porn star. As an ostensibly joyful celebration of love, that’s pretty bad company to be in.”

If you haven’t read Caitlin Moran’s: How To Be a Woman you really should. 

Always a bridesmaid



It could, of course, have been worse.

Having been a (blushing) bridesmaid twice in the past 18 months, I am starting to feel a little panicky about the old adage.

So it was with great interest, and a slight sense of the autobiographical, that I headed to the cinema to see Bridesmaids.

I needn’t have worried. I was holding onto the seat in front, convulsing with laughter as tears streamed down my face. And, even at my young age, was considering the merits of tena ladies.

If you haven’t been to see it, then stop reading this and go immediately. It is very funny. And definitely do not judge a film by its poster. There is not a pink dress or cowboy hat in sight.

And, for anyone that has ever worried about what hideous dress their bride-to-be friend might put them in, loathed a fellow bridesmaid, or fretted over a hen-doo, it may be a little close to the bone.

I’m going to tell you a story. It is January 2010. One of my two University best friends has just gotten herself hitched. I was a bridesmaid at this wonderful wedding alongside my other university pal.

The bride and groom looked as if they were straight off the pages of a wedding magazine. The historical village church was touched with frost on an icy January morn. Save the toastmaster, who was dressed a little like a lion-tamer, it really was the most perfect and romantic occasion.

And then, just like that, I was home. Alone. In a freezing cold Scotland, with post wedding blues, January blues and blue digits.

I was in a depression worthy of Bridget Jones. My best friend was married; I was pushing 30, and definitely going to die alone surrounded by cats. This was especially distressing given that I really hate cats.

And so, on a bleak January evening, as I ate my pasta and pesto dinner (did I mention I was also having the broke-as-hell-blues?) my phone rang. It was University best friend number 2. I joked to my flatmate, ‘If she’s calling to tell me she’s engaged, I’m probably going to have to kill myself.’

Luckily for everyone I am prone to exaggeration.

And so I empathised somewhat with Annie, as Lil, her old and dear friend announced her engagement. Panic. ‘I’m feeling a bit hot’, said Annie as Lil flashed her rock. Annie must whoop and hug with delight, but in her heart, she is horrified by Lillian's disloyalty at leaving her behind in the dismal pit of spinsterhood.

NB: (as they may be reading) being bridesmaid for my best friends was a delight and an honour. I still maintain that there is something intrinsically strange about dressing adults in the same clothes, but it was moving, special and an utter pleasure.

But, as anyone who has ever been a bridesmaid will know, that there is something about someone else's impending marriage that makes your existence seem second best.

In this brilliant film, even the married bridesmaids – those who have attained the great prize – instantly become disenchanted with their lives. A gentle bridesmaid, newly married, confesses her discontent with never having sex. A bridesmaid mother confesses her horror at sharing the house with three teenage sons "There's semen everywhere. One blanket actually cracked", and at her husband's insatiable conjugal needs, "I just want to watch the Daily Show once without him entering me".

I spat my malteasers clean out.

There is vomiting, there is drunkenness, there are jokes about sex, (all of which featured in my own bridesmaid experiences) but at its heart this is a lovely little film about friendship, and what it means to be female.

This film is not clichéd or lazy. It is witty and honest, providing a refreshingly true portrayal of what it is to be a modern woman; not one of the dreadful vacuous chick flick stereotypes that we have come to know and hate in so many films of recent years, but one of the lass who is suffering frostbite in Scotland whilst her best friends are getting hitched left right and centre.

Luckily for us, reality has made its way into this Hollywood movie.

Unfortunately the reality is that many of us are just one engagement away from a breakdown.

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A Right Royal Budget

Money Saving Madam has been pimping her writing wares.

So I thought I'd share with the bloggle readers the article I'd been asked to write about the financial perils of being a Princess, in light of that big event that is seemingly happening tomorrow.

Enjoy.

Kate Middleton is all set to marry into the British Royal Family, but what sort of financial worries does as a soon-to-be princess have? Do real-life princesses face budgets, money issues or financial stress? Rachel Brown ponders a few of the money challenges Kate Middleton might be facing as she prepares to be the future Queen.

Unless you have been hiding under a rock for the past few months, you cannot have failed to notice that in London, this Friday, a boy named Will is getting hitched to a girl named Kate, and the World will be glued to their television sets to witness it.

But Friday is just the beginning.  Although Kate has been dating Prince William for some time now, and will have some idea of what she is getting herself into; what can she expect her financial life to look like as Britain’s future Queen?

Will Kate be overwhelmed with the wealth of The Royals?

‘The Prince will marry the pauper’, or at least that’s what people are suggesting.  A Royal has fallen for a commoner – blue-blooded William and ‘just plain Kate.’

But the reality is quite far from this. Although a ‘commoner’, Kate Middleton's family are financially very well off. Kate’s parents have built up a comfortable nest egg from a successful online party business, Party Pieces - established in 1987.

The income has contributed to a lifestyle that includes a £1m house in a desirable part of England, and the funds to put their three children, Kate, Pippa and James, through some of the most expensive private schools in Britain, which for Kate alone would have cost an estimated £250,000. 

If and when William becomes King, then Kate’s income will take on a new dimension. The Queen's own assets are estimated at £290m, according to the Sunday Times Rich List. So in this respect, the wealth Kate has experienced in her formative years is a far cry of what is yet to come.

Who will pick up Kate’s wedding bill?

Formal etiquette dictates that the family of the bride should pay for the wedding, but matters are somewhat complicated when you are marrying the future King.

The Royal Family will pay for the wedding.  However, Kate’s family will make a private contribution to the day, and the Government and UK taxpayer will pay for all consequential costs.

Will Kate have her own money?

It is unlikely that Kate will have to sacrifice her own savings and bank account once married, and will most likely retain autonomy in this area. Indeed Kate’s future grandmother-in-law, the Queen herself, has her own funds and finances.

It has long been suggested that the Queen never carries cash or credit cards, as she has assistants who make all required purchases for her. However, if any member of the Royal Family finds themselves short of cash, there is always a handy ATM inside Buckingham Palace – for the exclusive Coutts Bank, of course! 

Will Kate have a job?

It is unlikely that Kate will undertake any paid employment once she and William marry. Until recently she was working for the family firm after a brief post-graduate foray into the outside world working for upmarket clothes store, Jigsaw. 

She is a clearly a bright lady, but at age of 29, the future Queen of England, has rather a thin CV for an A grade Marlborough educated pupil who gained a 2:1 in History of Art from St Andrew's University.

But now, she will be taking on the full-time job of being the wife of Prince William, which will probably occupy all of her time and energy. Catherine Oxenburgh, daughter of Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslavia, said of Kate working, “she most likely will not have a job. She will write a lot of thank-you notes, she will do a lot of ribbon cutting, she will receive dignitaries and appear on behalf of her selected charities. Basically, she will be a public servant with a lot of perks.”

Will Kate be free to spend money as she chooses?

The Royal Family must be very careful how they are seen to be spending money, as their public engagements are funded by UK taxpayer’s money. Their fund is called the Civil List and major royals get payments from it to cover their expenses.

Kate does of course enjoy shopping, and just last week was spotted on the fashionable Kings Road in London – no doubt stocking up her honeymoon wardrobe. The Queen-in-waiting wandered down the shopping street like any ordinary bride-to-be, with just one bodyguard for protection. She could not help but crack a smile as she saw dozens of shops adorned with her name and Union Jack flags in preparation for the big event.

Only time will tell if her public shopping trips continue post nuptials, but in the face of the recession Great Britain is suffering from, Kate would be wise to be seen being careful with money. The Queen herself has encouraged members of the Royal Family to show support to the people during this economic downturn. Through her reign she has been renowned for extolling the virtues of frugality, and stated she would avoid any public displays of extravagance amid growing unemployment and financial strife.  In fact, so frugal is the Queen, that she even collected coupons towards the cost of her own wedding dress.

In order to continue to hold the respect and affection of the British people, Kate would do well to learn lessons of thrift from her Grandmother-in-law.

Commemorative Mugs only £9.99



Sophia, this one is all about you.


Take an English castle, buckets of romance, an unseasonably sunny Saturday, a stunning ivory frock, sniffles in the church and inappropriate jokes in a speech.

Sounds like a right Royal Wedding.

Of course I am delighted for Miss Middleton, but this weekend, it was about a slightly more local breed of celebrity. The wedding of my dear friend, Sophia Potter.

She was complaining this weekend (it was her wedding day, she’s allowed to be demanding) that she had not yet featured in my blog. Well, Potter (now Ridley) – this one is for you.

I have just spent the weekend at a wedding that would not seem out of place in Jane Austen. But think slightly less demure women, more free-styling on the dance-routines and a few additional jager-bombs.

As a bridesmaid at said event, I am delighted to report that Sophia just about managed to stay on the right side of bride-zilla.

There were no hideous peach dresses, no ‘table-plan’ parties and no ridiculous demands.

Why do even normal girls go so gaga over weddings? It is beyond me. Even my sensible friends have done strange things, like growing their always-short hair long so it looks ‘weddingy’ in the shockingly expensive photos. The whole thing is a giant, frothy white puzzle that I just can’t crack.

A friend’s sister has even put limitations on the colour her skin can be for the wedding day. No sunshine or (horror) fake bake permitted for any of the bridesmaids, lest they upstage her golden hues. Best get inside and cover up then huh?

Sophia’s wedding was, of course, absolutely wonderful. Grand and ancient church, a vision of white floating down the aisle, dramatically throwing the bouquet over her shoulder and cutting into a giant cake. (I feel I should add that the wedding cake was made entirely of cheese. Not a cheesecake, you understand. A cake made of cheese.)

She even had Royal Wedding Top Trumps on the tables for the Wedding Breakfast, (meaning dinner, served at tea time) which she had blagged for free, pre-release from the publishers. Bravo, Money Saving Madam doth salute you.

She did the big day with style, grace and a drink in her hand.

However, I’m not entirely sure that The Big Day is for me. Maybe it’s a money thing. Maybe it’s media saturation (did you know that there are whole TV channels devoted to weddings now?). Or maybe it’s celebrities.  I mean, what on earth were Katy and Russell doing with those elephants and tigers and turbans?

I am happy to be proved wrong, but at this moment, the selfish notion of eloping for a two person ceremony followed by a fabulous five star holiday sounds like a far better option to me. I’ll buy my own toaster, thanks.

Sophia was slightly worried that one of my earliest posts, I don't was aimed at her. Well my dear, I did warn my engaged friends to look away, and Money Saving Madam has a duty to her readers to state the costs associated with attending these grand affairs.

But my dear, it was worth every penny. It was a magical weekend.

I do however have Potter-Ridley commemorative mugs available for sale.

 

I don't.

Weddings are big business. We’ve all heard that the word ‘wedding’ in front of photographer or caterer will automatically double the price. But who gives a thought to the innocent bystanders in this whirl of romance, tiered cakes and shelling out?

What about the guests?

Perhaps my engaged friends should look away now.

Nothing can put pay to a savings plan like a spurt of weddings. And I should know.

In what is becoming known as ‘Wedding Gate’, I am 13 days into not spending and am haemorrhaging money left right and centre. It is certainly unlucky for some.

You may be shocked to discover that some unemployed PhD student somewhere has done research into this very issue. And how enlightening it is. It turns out that some 6% of us have gone into debt in order to attend a wedding.

This might seem ridiculous, but even when the celebrations are held locally, the price of attendance can be high, at an average of £386. Stag and hen parties account for the largest chunk of this sum, at £130, with a wedding gift costing £70, clothes £64, travel £49, accommodation £48 and drinks £26.

Personally I feel these numbers are generously low. £26 on drinks? At a wedding bar? Clearly they’re on the lemonade.

I am glad to report that none of my ‘Bride’s to be’ have adopted the trend for overseas ceremonies or hen parties. It really would ruin the occasion to be standing on a tropical beach simmering with resentment.

Weddings are a time to celebrate. I am desperately excited to see some of my oldest and dearest friends get hitched. But if anyone else is considering setting a date, if you could wait until 2012 my bank manager would be delighted.