The Boyfriend: (on spotting sausages in the fridge) So it’s over then?
Me: What’s over?
The Boyfriend: No meat week.
Me: excuse me?
The Boyfriend: Yeah – I’ve been craving a bacon sandwich all week, and I've realised it’s because we’ve had vegetarian food all week.
Me: Come on, that lentil curry was lovely.
The Boyfriend: Oh of course. Just not as lovely as say – a chicken curry.
Me: Love, you had black pudding yesterday.
The Boyfriend: So I did.
If I had a hammer.
Lounging in the bedroom, front door bangs with the wind.
Me: Oh, don’t worry it’s just the burglars.
The Boyfriend: Well if it is, I've got protection.
The Boyfriend: Yeh, the other night I thought I heard someone breaking in, so I got a hammer – it’s under the bed.
The Boyfriend: I’ll show you. (reaches under bed and produces hammer.)
The Boyfriend: But don’t worry – I put some tacs down there too – so if ever anything happens and I have to use it, we can just say that I’d been hanging pictures.
Me: That’s alright then.