Heatwave? What heatwave?

The boyfriend recently relocated from Brighton to Edinburgh. You might have seen Brighton in the news this past weekend. No? Think pictures of a packed beach, bikini clad southerners and plenty of white flesh. Yes – that was Brighton.

The hottest weather in October, ever.

Not here in Edinburgh. We were enjoying a spot of very seasonal (and very heavy) rain. He was not best pleased.

It’s for the best really. Brits don’t really know how to cope with the summer. We can’t even dress for sunshine. I don’t blame us of course; it isn’t as though we have much opportunity to practice.

So those of us north of the border may have missed out on a vitamin D dose, but at least we also missed the spectacle of ‘British men burning with their tops off.’ 

It really is a national horror. Why don’t our men turn that glorious olive shade of the men on the med? Why do they all go lobster pink? Why do none of them wear sun-cream?

When the sun finally puts his hat on, well people go a bit mad don’t they? You see them in Sainsbury's, in their flip-flops and shorts, buying the last disposable bbq, forgetting they live in Manchester - not Melbourne.

They walk down the high-street baring flesh. Flesh that last saw sunlight in the ‘heatwave of 2003.’ Then they pass a woman who clearly didn’t read the weather forecast and is wearing her winter coat. It’s totally bizarre.

And the weather- forecasters. Their delight at being able to announce the good news. Finally summer has arrived, and they are going to be the ones to tell us. Yes, it’s only going to be 2 days long - and yes - we know that your sarong is packed in the loft because summer is theoretically over, but quick – find your flip flops . Oh and that bbq you couldn’t use in August because it rained non-stop? Well it’s time –so get the burgers in.

And then the weatherman briefly turns his attention to Scotland, muttering in apologetic tones that there is a high chance of rain. 

But whatever the weather, we Brits can fine reason to complain.

Well yes of course it’s gorgeous having the sun out – but really; it’s too hot isn’t it? Bloody hell I’m sweating- are you sweating?  Best pop inside for a lie down.  I actually got sun-burnt in October, can you imagine? And we’ve got the central heating all set up, so we didn’t want to turn it off. Yes, the parks were packed with people, and the beaches – you should see the bodies. You can’t enjoy it when it’s like that can you?

No, my boyfriend should be glad we were spared the heat-wave. The uncertainty of it would have been too much.  I really have no idea where the flip-flops are. We waved farewell to daylight in August, and that’s just fine. Who needs vitamin D anyway?

You are NOT as fat as you imagine

Today, I was reminded of a song from 1999. 


I liked it at the time. Today I listened to it again. The lyrics are below, and a link to it on youtube is  here 


In 1999 I was 16 and thought I knew everything about the world. I thought I understood this song. Today, at 27, I know I don't. But I do wear sunscreen.


Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy. 


Baz Luhrmann: Everyone's free to wear sunscreen.


If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. 

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, 
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.


I will dispense this advice now.


Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind,  you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. 
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself,
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked, 
You are not as fat as you imagine.


Don’t worry about the future, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. 

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.


Do one thing everyday that scares you.


Sing.


Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, 
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Floss


Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind, 
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.


Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults, 
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.


Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.


Stretch.


Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life, 
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, 
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.


Get plenty of calcium.


Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.


Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, 
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, 
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either, 
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. 
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it, 
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.


Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.


Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.


Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.


Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.


Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.


Understand that friends come and go, but the precious few you should hold onto.
 
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, 
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.


Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard, 
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.


Travel.


Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, 
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young 
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.


Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, 
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.


Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.


Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. 

Advice is a form of nostalgia, 
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, 
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.


But trust me on the sunscreen.